Many (perhaps most) tango communities at one time or another have had to deal with unpleasant and inappropriate characters. These people can be disruptive and divisive to the community. The topic of this Muse is, “what was their behavior and how did you deal with them?” Any examples, descriptions and advice you can give will be most appreciated. (Just type in your comments below.)
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The Shark needs to perfect his/her predatory skills among the inherently complex universe of tango personalities. Most of us in this dance have probably noticed that the average “tanguero” novice embraces tango (at least in the US) as a cool challenge, not as a “food-for-the-soul” pursuit. I’m talking law of averages here, nothing more. The long-term reward is the ability to enjoy a dance with high levels of intimacy. If you are very stubborn, driven and an oddball (I’m a scientist, if you catch my drift…) the lure is irresistible. If you are stubborn, driven, oddbally and insecure…boy, does tango have a Shark for you!
I have seen this predatory practice in action. In a nutshell, insecure individuals gravitate toward a certain type of aspiring leader in a community. They are nurtured, protected, told that they can easily do it, encouraged, given plenty of unearned positive reinforcement, and all of that would be good…except for the fact that the insecure folk, feeling that he/she has found their true calling and a great new sense of confidence, eventually becomes a property the Shark before he/she knows it. The victim attends events that are only approved by the Shark. The Shark dares telling people outside his/her circle not to contact his/her protégées.
The net result of all this, is that the situation creates a stagnant community, given that a) the Shark is just a shark because the average folk is not naturally attracted to him/her in a social sense. There is no need to manipulate people if you can naturally connect with them. b) The Shark’s army of awkward lieutenants will find new courage to make the life of anyone crossing the Shark hard. The Shark will be behind the curtains in many cases.
The solution? DO NOT QUIT. Call them out. Offer activities to all members of your tango community. Let the Shark and his/her lost souls do their thing. They are doomed to failure, if success is measured by healthy, long-term growth. Only care about bringing in people you enjoy as company. Numbers are overrated. Consider, if you have sizable towns nearby, to expand your area of influence. The Shark cannot fool the entire world.
This subject seems to imply primarily poor behavior by the male leads.
On the occasions when I attend one of the local lessons or practicas, the teachers/hosts will downright insist that we rotate partners. OK, I get that there is a lot to be learned by dancing with many different partners. But there always seem to be one or more ladies that get downright snippy, and vocally critical during and after a dance. I’m a passable leader, who gets my share of compliments, but we all know that sometimes things just don’t “hook up”. Getting chewed out really takes the fun out of dancing, so I’ve largely stopped going, and if I go with my wife, I’ll try to dance only with her or someone I know will be pleasant. Still, the hosts/teachers will get pushy about rotating partners without skipping anyone, which leaves me back at just not wanting to attend.
So – hosts/teachers should encourage polite behavior, and should make it OK to NOT rotate if you don’t want to.
Don,
my regular partner and I stopped rotating at the request of teachers and we’ve found we retain much more of the material that way and are much happier with the results. I sympathize with the followers who are usually in greater numbers than leaders during workshops, and at milongas, try to dance with as many follows as is reasonable. But for me to improve my leadership skills I need to stick with one partner during lessons. isn’t that what the followers want – better leaders?